


Closet Door

by A_M_Kelley



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: AU, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Developing Relationship, Excessive use of "Shut Up", Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Sex, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Insomnia, M/M, Making Love, NOT the proverbial closet, POV Alternating, Paranoia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, References to Illness, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-29
Updated: 2012-10-04
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:38:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_M_Kelley/pseuds/A_M_Kelley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam makes it out alive and in one piece, he wishes he could say the same for Lawrence. But his home, it isn't safe anymore and he finds himself, more often than not, losing sleep over the tiniest of noises. That damn door. The creaking of the rusted hinges echoing in the dark corners of his mind, a figure taunting him with twisted laughter. He has half a mind to grab his baseball bat, just like before, and approach the figure, hopefully looking threatening enough to scare it away. But he can't.</p><p>That damn door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One of the first long stories I wrote when I first starting writing fanfic so it's probably garbo.

Adam makes it out alive and in one piece, he wishes he could say the same for Lawrence. But his home, it isn't safe anymore and he finds himself, more often than not, losing sleep over the tiniest of noises. That damn door. The creaking of the rusted hinges echoing in the dark corners of his mind, a figure taunting him with twisted laughter. He has half a mind to grab his baseball bat, just like before, and approach the figure, hopefully looking threatening enough to scare it away. But he can't.

That damn door.

The sterile coldness of his shitty apartment, the ache in his shoulder from where Lawrence had shot him, the sound of porcelain breaking bones. That crunching noise ringing in his ears as blood pumps through every vein in his being. Remembering the tremors of impact shooting up his arms as he ended the life of a horrible man, but knowing it turned him into something else. Something poisonous.

Poisonous like the blood that expanded over the floor in that white rusted tomb, extending towards Lawrence as if tempting him. Or taunting him. But Adam was poisonous before the fact. He was a parasite, a low-life, invader of privacy. Take your pick. They were everything Adam was and he had no intention of denying the obvious truth, accepting his fate in that room.

Lawrence on the other hand refused to die, but Lawrence had something Adam didn't have, a family. A wife and a daughter worth fighting for, worth living for, and worth saving. Seeing that madness in Lawrence's eyes as he hacked away at his own foot, stomach clenching and screaming and crying in horror. Telling, pleading that he stopped. But Lawrence refused to die.

That bullet tearing through his flesh.

Lawrence had saved him. Adam owed his life to him. What was left of it at least. He didn't take pictures after that. In fact, he hadn't touched his camera or even been in his dark room in months, not since that night. His dark room didn't exist anymore. Adam was afraid to go in there, afraid to face what pictures had been hanging in there the last time he was. If they were still there, which they weren't. He remembered. All those pictures were in that bathroom. Taken away as evidence.

Adam had gotten into some trouble over the pictures and the murder of Zep Hindle, but Lawrence had defended him and told the police everything that had happened. That Adam learned his lesson. Adam didn't know if that was the truth or a lie, and he wondered if Lawrence deemed him worthy of life. Then again, Lawrence did save him...

Adam hardly slept after that. First he blamed it on his wounded shoulder, saying the pain was too much to fall asleep and feeling selfish when he remembered that Lawrence was missing an entirely foot. After his shoulder had healed, Adam blamed it on the murder of Zep, but in all honesty Adam felt no remorse for that. Adam hardly slept because he gave up.

Hardly eating the food he did have, not moving for periods at a time, and his unhealthy obsession with the closet door his capturer had jumped out of and attacked him. That weird doll's maniacal laughter filling his ears.

That damn door.

**************

Adam woke up with a start. He had fallen asleep in his chair that was facing the kitchen and his stomach growled, strongly insisting he eat something. He reluctantly got up and padded into the kitchen, opening the door and shivering slightly when the cool air rushed out. Nothing. His fridge was completely empty, with the exception of condiments, and he couldn't bring himself to care.

The door closed with a thud, rubbing his arms to warm them and wishing he had a functioning heater. Adam figured he tried and go to sleep again, but this time in his bed. When he laid down in the tiny cramped bed and pulled the covers over his body he curled into a ball, seeking warmth that wasn't there.

Adam laid there with his eyes open, staring aimlessly at the stained wall and wondering what time it was. Now that he was awake he couldn't go back to bed, the cadence of creaking nagging at the back of his mind.

"Shut up," Adam mumbled.

But the creaking didn't stop. Adam grabbed his pillow and held it over his ear, trying to cancel out all sound and squeezed his eyes shut. He tossed and turned, getting bent out of shape over an imaginary noise that he swore was there.

"Shut up!" Adam screamed at the top of his lungs, tears building in his eyes in irritation.

He screamed it again and again and again, until his voice was hoarse and the tears kept streaming through his eyelids. So he didn't hear the knock at the door, but when the second barrage of knocks came, Adam snapped upright and hoped it wasn't a neighbor complaining about the yelling, or even his landlord. That'd be even worse.

He threw the pillow and kicked off his blankets, rolling out of the bed to answer the door. When Adam opened the termite infested door, he froze for a split second and realized he was only wearing underwear and that it wasn't a neighbor or his landlord. It was Lawrence. Standing straight with the help of a crane and smiling the best imitation of a smile he could muster, his blonde hair looking perfect and in place as ever.

Adam swallowed and stepped aside to let Lawrence in, shutting and locking the door behind him cautiously. Watching Lawrence limp and take a seat on his ratty old couch, looking around incredulously.

Adam needed to get used to this, but every week when Lawrence would stop by to check up on him, he'd still act surprised. When he caught the Doctor's gaze he gestured towards the kitchen, dropping his arm when Lawrence would smile subtly and shake his head. This happened almost everytime. No words would be exchanged between the two, leaving only silence and tiny shifts in posture to speak for them. That was somehow good enough.

Lawrence cleared his throat and Adam looked over at him, stealing a glance at his feet then looking away just as fast. Adam's stomach twisted into a knot and he thought he could feel a dry heave coming on.

Adam finally relented and sat down when Lawrence had patted the spot next to him on the couch. He sank back and looked straight, looking anywhere to avoid eye contact. But it was distracting when Lawrence had his knuckles against his forehead, as if checking his temperature. Adam flinched away from the touch, still iffy about boundaries especially around Lawrence.

Lawrence drew his hand back. "You don't look well," Lawrence murmured. The concern heavy in his voice. "When's the last time you've eaten? Or slept?"

Adam was looking a little skinny and the dark circles underneath his eyes weren't helping him figure out a good bluff. He wrapped his arms around his torso, as if to hide himself from Lawrence's open gaze and sinking just a little more into the couch.

"Adam?"

Lawrence scooted closer and set a warm reassuring hand on Adam's bare back, rubbing it up and down soothingly. This time Adam didn't flinch away, letting the affection sink into his tensed and sore muscles. Lawrence wrapped an arm around Adam, then the other, embracing him gently in welcoming arms. He could hear Adam's stomach growl and he pulled enough to look the thin man in the eyes, mere inches away from his face.

"Let me take you out."

"I don't feel like eating greasy food. I might up chuck," Adam repulsed.

"Then I'll cook you something."

"I don't have any food."

Adam lowered his head in shame, embarrassed by his lifestyle for the first time in a long time. He wondered why Lawrence was so persistent to help him, then again Lawrence didn't have anyone anymore. Lawrence had severed his own foot to save the ones he loved and only got divorce papers in return, but at least he got to see Diana whenever he could make time.

"I'll get you some groceries," Lawrence insisted.

He was lonely. Adam could see it. He looked bored and he had too much money, since he only had himself to support, that he wanted to get rid of or share. Adam didn't like the fact of taking anything from Lawrence, he owed the doctor his life if not more. But Adam relented and nodded, giving in to the Doctor's kindness once more.

"Let's get you dressed," Lawrence beamed brightly.

Lawrence stood up and helped Adam up the best he could, grabbing his cane to follow the young man into the bedroom. Adam got to his dresser and pulled it out. Nothing. All his clothes were dirty. They've been dirty for days, but he's hardly even noticed. He felt like breaking down and crying despite Lawrence's prescence. He stepped back and sat on his bed with his head in his hands, back arching as be bent forward.

"You don't have to ask, you know. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to." Lawrence limped over to where Adam was sitting and tangled a hand in Adam's hair, heart breaking just a little.

"I'm fine Larry." Adam looked up at Lawrence and saw the mixed emotions on the Doctor's face. "Sorry. Lawrence." He remembered Lawrence hated being called Larry. Only his ex-wife called him that.

Lawrence decided that Adam should stay behind while he picked up some groceries to stock up the thin man's fridge. He promised to return shortly and Adam held him to it, knowing the promises Lawrence had made him in past visits were concrete. Lawrence hugged him again, but this time it lingered more and felt more personal, more intimate. As if Lawrence was afraid to let go or leave Adam alone in this place, but he had to in order to help the young man gain some nutrition back.

Lawrence reluctantly let go of Adam's bare body, giving him a faint smile and walking to the front door to leave. Adam frowned and retired to his bed, figuring it would be awhile until Lawrence got back. He was just going to rest his eyes, but as soon as Adam hit the mattress he was knocked out and drooling all over his pillow.

As much as Adam needed the rest, he also feared it or rather feared what might happen while he dreamt. His dreams were relentless and it was always the same. It was everything thing that had happened to him, from waking up in his dark apartment to watching Lawrence cut off his own foot and killing Zep. His screams making his voice hoarse and his throat becoming raw, begging Lawrence to stop.

But nothing was worse than the aftershocks of the whole ordeal. Lawrence getting divorced and losing almost all of his custody over Diana, his wife blaming him for everything and as much as Adam didn't want it to be true, it sort of was. It was both of their faults and Alison just didn't have a big enough heart to forgive him. Waking up had become a very hard thing to do on Lawrence's part, but falling asleep was a luxury he appreciated to the fullest.

And Adam thought he had it bad. Sure, he was poor, didn't have any food or clean clothes and hardly ever slept, but Lawrence was the real victim and he didn't deserve the hand he'd been dealt. He didn't deserve to lose his little girl or his foot, he had money but even that didn't amount to much. No wonder he had been so eager to help Adam out. His money was burning a hole in his pocket and he wanted to do some good, even when Adam said it was a waste.

Lawrence didn't mind one bit. The doctor could never hold a grudge against that poor man, his own privacy be damned. He wanted to help Adam, he wanted him to be snarky and sarcastic, to see what Adam had been like before he had been broken. It hurt to see the young man slowly deteriorating right before his very eyes, because in the deepest part of his heart he held so much love for Adam. It scared Lawrence, not knowing where it came from or why. He could say it was a fatherly sort of love, but Lawrence knew that was a lie because he didn't think of Adam as his son. The way he thought of Adam wouldn't be appropriate in a fatherly manner and Lawrence felt guilty for thinking about him, intimately.

He just wanted to make Adam better. To make him feel loved and worth a damn, but it was too wrong and unfair to take advantage of any situation. Adam deserved better than that.

When Lawrence returned to the apartment, it was as quiet as before with the exception of rustling grocery bags he was currently juggling. Lawrence couldn't believe he was able to carry the bags this far. He sat them on a kitchen counter and walked around looking for Adam, his search ending in the claustrophobic bedroom. He gazed upon Adam's prone form, slightly hunched and curled into a ball, looking peaceful, but doubting his dreams reflected that peace.

Lawrence sat on the edge of the bed and propped his cane up against the nightstand to card a hand through the dark mussed hair. Adam made a tiny noise, snuggling into the touch by reflex, but Lawrence wished it was because Adam wanted it. Wanted him. Lawrence bent down to plant a barely there kiss to the top of the younger man's forehead, grabbing his cane to limp off and prepare dinner.

Luckily most of the dishes were clean so Lawrence was able to start right away. It was simple beef pasta Hamburger Helper, easy to make and filling enough, with spinach and rice on the side. He retrieved a frying pan from the dish rack and set it on the stove, turning the burner all the way up. Unwrapping the meat and tossing on the pan, Lawrence chopped it up and mixed it around. The pan sizzled and popped while Lawrence grabbed a sauce pan to fill it up with water, letting it boil.

While the meat was cooking, Lawrence put the rest of the groceries away. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Adam and he even got him a little junk food incase he was feeling a little lazy. Lawrence smiled to himself when he picked up the box of Astronaut Pops, vaguely reminiscing of his childhood and wondering when he last had one. Diana loved them. Lawrence frowned internally, thinking of what her and Alison were doing right now.

Was Alison preparing dinner too? While Diana watched one of her programs, singing the catchy songs about words and animals and colors. And if they were still a family, if he had never been apart of Jigsaw's game, would he still be in his office? Typing away at his computer? Leaving at all hours of the night to go to the hospital? Cheating?

Yes. Everything would've still been the same. Lawrence didn't know whether Jigsaw was the best or worst thing that ever happened to him.

Lawrence turned around at a small noise that resembled something of a yawn or a sigh. Adam stood in the archway connecting the kitchen and living room, rubbing at sleep foggy eyes to blink past the florescent light. The younger man stepped further into the kitchen, his nose picking up a heavenly smell as his eyes widened with curiosity.

"Here. I got these for you," Lawrence said as he held out a plastic bag to Adam.

Adam grabbed it and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt, letting the bag float to the ground. He pulled the shirt over his head and stuck his legs in one at a time into the sweatpants, shimmying them up his bare legs.

"They fit okay?" Adam nodded. "I was just putting some things away and cooking some dinner. Care to join me?"

Adam walked over to the stove, hovering over the pan to inhale the smell of food. Actual warm, home cooked food. He felt like crying tears of joy. Lawrence prepared the rice and mixed the noodles and seasoning into the frying pan, handing the can of spinach to Adam with a small smile.

They finished making dinner together in content silence and after everything was hot and ready, Lawrence made both of them plates. Lawrence and Adam sat down at the kitchen table, Lawrence watching Adam take a bite to see his reaction. Adam's mouth and stomach practically cheered on the first bite and it seemed to only get better after that, the bites getting bigger and more frequent.

"Are you thirsty?" Lawrence inquired, not waiting for an answer and getting up to get Adam a soda from the fridge.

Adam popped it open and chugged half of it, burping when the carbonation built up in his stomach. Lawrence wondered if Adam was even tasting anything at the pace he was going, but glad all the same that he was eating.

"I'm glad you like it," Lawrence mused. "I know it's just Hamburger Helper..."

"I love it," Adam said quickly to reassure Lawrence. "It's the best thing I've eaten in months."

"I think those are the most words you've spoken in months," Lawrence teased playfully. His comment earned him a blush from the younger man and he chuckled lightly.

"Just been going through some shit," Adam said to his food as he set his fork down.

"I know."

"No. I mean-- I've been going through some shit."

Lawrence nodded silently, acknowledging what Adam meant and wishing there was something he could do to help him. After all the guy was a doctor and he knew a lot about psychology regardless of being a surgen.

"I have this friend that cou--"

"I don't wanna go to a shrink. I hate doctors," Adam cut off then added, "No offense."

"Are you on anything?"

Adam nodded. "Xanax. I get a little anxious sometimes. I should probably be on some depression drugs too, maybe something to help me sleep."

"You're not crazy, Adam."

"I didn't say that. I just need help functioning is all," Adam shrugged.

"You don't need that kind of help. You're not unstable or incapable of getting better on your own. You're strong," Lawrence encouraged.

"You diagnose people for a living, Lawrence. You mean to say that when you look at me you don't see any problem that needs to be helped by medication?" Adam questioned, staring intently at Lawrence with a skeptical look.

"You're just shook up. You went through a traumatic experience and now you're trying to deal with it."

"So talking to a shrink will make me better and help me sleep at night?"

"I'm not telling you to talk to a shrink. I'm just telling you to talk to someone. Anyone. If you just let it all out it'd be so much better."

"Right. Just how your life is so wonderful and better," Adam remarked before he could stop himself. His arms were crossed over his chest and turned his head away from Lawrence. "I'm sorry. I'm an asshole."

"Hey, you have every right to be," Lawrence reassured. He knew Adam didn't mean it, he was just an angry young man letting out some animosity and Lawrence wanted to encourage it. If this is how Lawrence was able to help Adam without a prescription then so be it. It was all for the greater good.

"Yeah, but not towards you," Adam berated to himself, feeling a twinge of guilt that seemed to build in the pit of his stomach.

"I'd rather it be me than anyone else."

Lawrence gave Adam a warm smile and it seemed as though everything was right again between them. He wanted nothing more than to embrace Adam, to make all his problems magically disappear and have everything go back to the way it was, but that was a long shot. For now Lawrence would be taking baby steps.

Adam finished his food and sipped from his can, not knowing what to say to that at the moment. Lawrence rinsed their plates off and came over to the couch Adam had moved to and sat next to him, plopping down and making the cushion dip with his weight. He put an arm around Adam's shoulders and pulled him in close to his side, comforting both Adam and himself in the process. Lawrence could stay like this forever if he was given the chance.

"If you ever need anything, anything at all, you can always count on me, Adam. I'll always be willing to help you unconditionally. I mean it," Lawrence whispered into Adam's hair, inhaling the semi-ripe smell of him.

"I know," Adam whispered back, leaning further into Lawrence's touch like a cat.

Lawrence sighed, feeling content and so sure about keeping his promise. To vow he'd always be there for Adam, 24/7 and 365 days of the year no matter what. Lawrence buried his face into that short nest of mussed hair and closed his eyes in deep thought, relishing the feel of the younger man. And somehow, those two simple words that came out of Adam's mouth seemed to be enough of an agreement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates have been super slow and I'm sorry! I've been caught up in the olympics lately and I have all these things flying through my head constantly. Distracting me from completing my unfinished stories.

"You need to have more initiative for your responsibilities, Larry," Alison said sternly from the over side of the receiver.

"Why do you think I called?" Lawrence replied, irritation starting to bubble up inside him as his ex-wife insisted on being belligerent.

"You were supposed to call two hours ago!"

"Well I'm calling now," he said. "I was busy."

"You're always busy," Alison berated. "If it isn't the hospital, it's that low-life that leeches off of you."

"Don't pretend that you know him!" Lawrence barked into his phone. It sounded more harsher than he intended and it left him to wonder why that remark towards Adam rattled him so much. His face was warm with anger and he softened his tone as best as he could manage. "He never asks for anything. He's a good young man."

Lawrence heard a mumble on the other end and something that resembled a put off sigh that meant defeat, a small victory for Lawrence. He knew Alison couldn't understand why he insisted on helping Adam, even he didn't, but it was his duty to ensure the young man's well-being and it made his ex-wife's blood boil.

"Maybe next week you'll care enough to call on time," she said flatly.

"You have to let me talk to her."

"I don't have to do anything."

"She's my daughter too, dammit!" Lawrence argued lowly.

"Goodbye, Larry."

And she hung up.

Lawrence sat the phone down with a heavy sigh, the urge of calling her back and fighting for his right to see Diana quickly receding as he silently gave up. He wasn't in the mood for an argument and getting Diana caught up in the middle of their bickering didn't sit well with him either. But in any case, even if he did win it wouldn't make him better.

He knew he should've left the hospital since he wasn't needed, but something made him stay out of habit. It seemed he was always needed when he wasn't there and vice versa. He honestly couldn't help that he practically lived at the hospital, he needed to keep his mind occupied and work seemed somewhat helpful in distracting him.

But it turned out it helped too much, having forgot he was supposed to call Alison to see Diana today. Diana would be let down and it would ruin her weekend even though she was more than used to it by now. Lawrence felt bad, sure, but something was happening to him and he didn't know what.

He wasn't feeling all torn up about his divorce or that he barely got to see Diana, but the fact that Adam had crossed his mind more than necessary kept him up at night sometimes. When Lawrence couldn't sleep, he'd go to work. When he couldn't slow down his brain to concentrate, he'd go to work. And when the thoughts got too intimate, he'd take a cold shower THEN go to work.

Lawrence sighed, the once cheerful and boisterous laughter of his home echoing in the back of his mind as he accepted his life for what it was. Lonely, cold, and mediocre.

He should've been used to this by now since it's been almost four months since the whole Jigsaw thing. Lawrence should be used to being alone, but he's not. He always feels like someone's there watching him from a distance, the smallest of noises drawing his undivided attention to his surroundings.

Lawrence has become a little paranoid to say the least, not too extreme to where he obsesses but definately noticeable. And this silence that surrounded him was too... Well... Quiet. There was a flicker he caught with the corner of his eye and he immediately thought of Adam. Lawrence couldn't remember the last he had his picture taken.

Adam.

He wondered if Adam still took pictures. Adam hadn't brought it up lately, in fact he didn't bring up much at all and Lawrence felt like he was being shut out or pushed away. That feeling was all too familiar, for both him and his family, to cast away without concern. That's one of the reasons why Lawrence had gone to Adam so much, to have the chance to fix at least ONE thing in his life and he couldn't help but grin like a fool.

Adam was in his life. He realized.

May not have his wife or child, but he had Adam and that was somehow good enough for him to be satisfied with life. Even if Adam was the only thing on his mind all the time. Lawrence knew he wouldn't be able to go back to work since he just came from there, so he decided that the only way he'd be able to forget about Adam was to see him.

The logic didn't make sense but for Lawrence it was the only option.

***************

"Shut up."

Adam was curled up on his bed, eyes squeezed shut with a surprisingly steady stream of tears painting his cheeks as he sobbed pathetic into his pillow. He curled in on himself even more, his body shrinking down into an impossible shape, the sterile nothingness that shrouded him reveling in the act as it slowly dominated even more of his space and sanity.

Adam hadn't slept in two days. The day Lawrence had come to see him calmed his nerves enough for him to catch some shut eye because he felt safe enough to sleep. But since he was alone, he wasn't safe at all. Because somewhere in his house lurked a dark and villainous presence that just wouldn't leave him be, for it took pleasure in making his life a living hell.

It lived in the closet in his kitchen and if someone were to open it they'd find nothing out of the ordinary, but Adam saw what others couldn't. The "normal" person shrug it off as metaphorical mumbo jumbo, but to Adam it was very real and very dangerous.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up," Adam repeated over and over again like a mantra, as if the two words being echoed around his house were a shield against the monster in his closet. Or rather, the insistent creaking of the closet door's hinges.

~Rise and shine, Adam~

"Leave me alone."

He made a squeaking sob and clenched his teeth as his eyes closed tighter, making his face distort into something that resembled excruciating pain. That voice, raspy and gruff and full of malice, making Adam's stomach twist into a knot just by thinking of it. He hated that voice.

~You might be in the room that you die in~

He willed his eyes to snap open. It scared Adam because the voice sounded so close, as if it was right there by his bed but no one was there. His breath caught in his throat and his heart dropped, the creaking noise vanished as a knock came at his door. Adam got up, straightening out his shirt that had begun to rise up in the back, revealing a glimpse of pale skin.

Adam got to the door and opened it, somewhat surprised to see Lawrence standing in the door way and perhaps a little relieved. He didn't hesitate to let the doctor in, in fact he welcomed it with open arms, but Lawrence stayed at the entrance just looking at him.

"Adam," said Lawrence, his voice taking on a soft tone filled with concern. "Have you been crying?"

Adam's face was stiff from dry tears and his lashes were still damp, being quick to assume that his eyes were probably bloodshot from irritation. A stray tear escaped the corner of his left eye and Lawrence extended his hand out to cup this side of his face, catching the tear with his thumb to swipe it away. Adam's face heated up from the contact, a feeling washing over him he thought he had forgotten.

That same feeling he got when Lawrence had crawled over to him, pale and delirious from blood loss, and clung to Adam. The first time touching after being locked up in the same room together for hours, not wanting to let go of the much needed touch of another human being. Adam couldn't describe the feeling with one word.

Serenity. Warmth. Intimacy. Love.

Whatever it was, Adam was feeling it right now. This closeness between them was becoming more intimate as the weeks passed on and Adam had to restrain himself from leaning into Lawrence's hand. Adam closed his eyes when Lawrence lingered just a little longer than he should've, his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

"Are you okay?" It was whispered like a secret. Lawrence faltered a little and lost his balance, stumbling slightly as his cane left his grip. But luckily for him Adam caught his arm, his hands bracing against the young man's shoulder and hip.

"Are you?" Adam huffed, hoisting Lawrence upright enough to bend down and grab his cane for him.

"I've been working all night. Just a little exhausted I guess," Lawrence chuckled as he was lead into Adam's apartment. They sat down on the couch together and Lawrence could feel Adam's gaze on him as he readjusted his prosthetic foot. Lawrence sat back up and gave Adam a him a look.

"Sorry," Adam murmured when he was caught staring. "I shouldn't have--"

"It's fine, Adam. I won't be offended if you stare."

Adam nodded but looked away all the same. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I--" Missed you? Was that what he wanted to say? But Lawrence was hesitant about telling Adam how he truly felt and, even more so, he didn't know what to say. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Lawrence."

But even as Adam said it his vision started to blur around the edges and his head throbbed, creaking filling his ears as Lawrence continued to talk. He rubbed at his eyes, his breathing becoming labored and strained. And when the creaking got louder Adam screamed at the top of his lungs.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" The blood curdling shouts shocking Lawrence and making him back away slightly as Adam sobbed uncontrollably. Adam had his hands tangled in his hair and he was bent in half, body clenching with each quake of sobs.

Adam looked up, head pivoting around the room frantically as if he was trying to find something, or someone. He turned toward Lawrence who just stared at him, eyes wide and truly appalled to say the least.

"Didn't you hear that?" Adam asked incredulously.

Lawrence's eyes scanned the apartment as he concentrated his hearing on his surroundings, but he heard nothing except for Adam's heart. He was honestly confused and worried, puzzled by Adam's bizarre outburst.

"I didn't hear anything," Lawrence said honestly.

"That creaking! It was like a freight train bursting through here. You didn't hear it?!" Adam asked skeptically.

"Adam," Lawrence said calmly, "there was no noise."

Adam felt like crying. To be told there was no noise, when he heard it clear as day, was unsettling in every sense of the word. He didn't want Lawrence to be right, he didn't want to seem crazy or unnerved. He couldn't stand falling apart like this in front of someone he held in high regard. Lawrence didn't deserve Adam's problems as well.

"I heard it," Adam told himself. "I swear I did."

Lawrence moved closer to Adam, reaching an arm around his shoulders to console the frustrated and sobbing young man to the best of his abilities. His other hand rested warmly on Adam's thigh, the thin material of pajama pants separating skin from skin.

"Maybe you should lie down. Do you feel sick?"

"No," Adam whispered with a shake of his head, eyes trained on a spot on the floor.

"Come on."

The doctor got up from the sofa and helped Adam to his room as best as he could manage with a cane in his hand, and laid him down gently as if he was a bride on her wedding night. Lawrence was ready to leave the room until Adam's eyes flickered and thin fingers encircled Lawrence's wrist as if to stop him. Well it worked, because when Lawrence looked into Adam's eyes he found worry and panic.

"Don't go. Please?" Adam asked innocently. "Lay with me?"

The last sentence wasn't a demand or request, it was a plead and Lawrence couldn't possibly say no to it. He'd feel bad if he didn't help his friend and it didn't bother him one bit. Lawrence would gladly lay down with Adam, let alone do anything Adam wanted him to for that matter.

Lawrence propped his cane up against the frame of the bed and dresser and slipped his shoes off. He climbed into the bed next to Adam as space was made for him, the bed small enough to put them practically nose to nose. It was intimate. Adam stared intently at him as if he was waiting for Lawrence to say something, making him feel warm and put on the spot.

"Why did you come over?" Adam finally said.

"I missed you," Lawrence said ardently. He let it slip and he couldn't scold himself for the possible mock laugh that was itching to escape Adam's lips.

"I missed you too," confessed Adam.

"Really?"

"I sleep better whenever you come around. You make me feel safe. Like there's nothing to fear when you're with me."

Adam's eyes twinkled with sincerity and Lawrence felt his heart swell, nerves flaring up like christmas tree lights. Lawrence cuddled closer to the young man to collect him in his arms and hug him to his body tightly, protecting Adam. Their lips were dangerously close and there breaths mingled between them, staining eachother's lips in tiny pants.

"There's nothing to be afraid of anymore, Adam. We beat IT. Together."

A hand gripped and trailed up Adam's exposed arm in an attempt to reassure the young man, the smile on Lawrence's face mirroring his own. Adam relaxed somewhat, curling himself against Lawrence like a cat, their bodies pressed firmly together in a way that seemed almost too risqué for two grown men. But Adam didn't care and it seemed Lawrence didn't mind.

"Promise?"

Lawrence wrapped his arms around Adam to hug him to his body, resting his chin atop the mess of dark hair that actually smelt sweet this time, and sighed in contentment. This felt right and now he could be sure Adam was safe and sound, in his arms away from all harm. Whether it be from the very real evil of the world or his imagination.

"I wouldn't lie to you," Lawrence murmured, planting a kiss to Adam's forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a crappy and boring chapter -_-


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took a little while to update and sorry that this chapter is a little short. I'm trying to break out of a hiatus slump I've been in lately. But I digress, hope you enjoy the update! :)

So it was the next week and this time Lawrence made sure to call Alison so he could see Diana, but before he headed home he stopped off at Adam's apartment. Adam was getting sick and he had no medicine. Medicine was a luxury Adam couldn't afford. Everything was a luxury. Lawrence was in Adam's bathroom putting an array of cold medication away for future use, throwing away empty advil containers as he went.

He spotted Adam's prescription for Xanax and opened it up to see only half of the pills were gone. The prescription was almost a month old. It seemed Adam was trying to make his medication for anxiety stretch since he lacked the money and medical coverage to keep it going. Lawrence felt a little bad for snooping but he was just looking out for Adam's best interest and his health, or lack thereof, truly concerned the doctor.

Lawrence could here Adam stirring in the other room and walking to the kitchen , possibly to get something to drink. He capped the prescription and put them back in place and closed the mirror medicine cabinet, straightening out his hair just slightly before he washed his hands. It was a habit, a good one, but a habit nonetheless and he just couldn't break it. The hospital had become his life.

In the other room Adam was filling up a glass of water to sooth his raw and dry throat, gulping it in earnest as if he was dying of thirst. When the water level diminished some he was able to see through the glass and what he could see was something sitting in the chair that wasn't there before. It was the same chair that puppet was sat in that night.

Adam lowered the cup to see a clown doll propped up against one of the pillows and before he knew it the glass slipped free from his fingers. It crashed to the ground with a resounding shatter and Adam was frozen in place, his pulse pounding in his ears in petrified horror. Where the hell did that clown come from anyway?

Lawrence came running, more like staggering, into the room looking absolutely deshelved with the exception of his hair. How he had perfect hair every waking moment was a mystery to Adam and it made him wonder if the doctor was even human.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Lawrence asked.

"N-nothing. The glass... It just slipped," Adam lied.

"Here, let me--" Lawrence began to say when he struggled to get to the ground to pick up the broken glass.

"No, it's fine--"

Adam went down to the floor to pick up the shards before Lawrence could and as he went for one of them him and Lawrence's hands touched. It was sappy just like a romantic comedy were the boy and the girl had feelings for eachother but were too shy to say anything. But they were grown men and for all Adam knew the fuzzy feeling wasn't mutual.

They stared wide eyed at eachother for a beat until they were both drawing their hands back with nervous smiles. Adam had the shards in hand and raised up from the ground to throw them away. He turned around to see Lawrence on his knees, using his cane to try and help him up but falling back down instead.

"Lawrence," Adam said a little concerned, rushing over to help the doctor up. He slung one of Lawrence's arms over his shoulders and attempted to heft him up, grunting slightly when his lack of strength failed him and they both fell to the ground.

Adam was flat on his back with Lawrence on top of him, pinning him firmly to the ground. He caught his breath and peered up at Lawrence who was only mere inches away from his face. Their pants of breath mingled together between them and Adam's heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He knew it was an accident but this position left him vulnerable and open.

Lawrence was between Adam's open legs with his crotch pressing into his backside and he couldn't believe how uncomfortable Adam could be right now. He eased some of his weight off of the young man to spare him. Adam was blushing profusely when he realized his pants were too tight and he thought Lawrence could see the obvious bulge in his pants, but he lucked out. Or Lawrence was just sparing him the embarrassment of pointing it out.

He was still on top of Adam but Adam wasn't pushing him away so that was a good sign, right? But he had no idea what to do or say in that particular moment and it looked as though Adam was waiting for him to say something. He decided on cracking a tiny joke.

"Thanks for breaking my fall," Lawrence laughed weakly.

"Yeah, thanks for breaking my back," Adam retorted.

"Sorry!"

Lawrence clambered off of him and sat back as he saw Adam hunch over to rub at his back, hoping to sooth it a little. Adam looked up at Lawrence and gave him a smile, getting up to his feet to give another try at helping Lawrence up. He felt terrible for dropping him in the first place.

Adam gave Lawrence his hand this time and it proved to be useful with the extra help of Lawrence's cane. Lawrence, more or less, got to his feet and thanked Adam for helping him. Adam flushed when he realized one of Lawrence's hands was resting on his hip, steadying himself. That's what Adam told himself.

"So, uh, is that yours?" Adam inquired, pointing over at the clown doll, hoping against hope that he'd say yes.

"Yeah," Lawrence grunted. "I got it for Diana. I'm seeing her today."

"You'd think kids would be scared of those things," Adam laughed nervously.

"Not Diana. She loves clowns. Are you afraid of them?"

"Not in general. Just certain ones, I guess."

"Listen, I hate doing this, but..." Lawrence trailed off, the regret weighing heavy in his voice, "I need to get going. I can't miss my little girl again this week."

"I understand, Lawrence. She's more important," Adam said ardently, meaning every word no matter how much he hated seeing Lawrence leave. "I, um, I'll..."

"Yes?" Lawrence asked expectantly.

"Tell her I said hello."

Lawrence's heart dropped a little to say the least, he was hoping Adam would say something about missing him or even loving him, but he didn't. He knew Adam wasn't planning on saying that, he could hear the hesitation and how he changed directions at the last moment.

"I will."

Adam nodded and looked away as if he was shy or something, not wanting to meet Lawrence's knowing gaze. The doctor stepped forward to put a warm hand against Adam's neck and pulled him towards him, their foreheads touching. Adam held his breath, his whole body freezing up down to the last synapse.

"Adam..."

Lawrence let the whisper get lost in the minimal space between them and pressed his lips softly against Adam's, lightly touching them with his. Adam pushed at his chest and shook his head, closing his eyes and licking his dry lips. Lawrence worried at his bottom lip and felt like he messed up by doing that.

"What's wrong?" Lawrence half sobbed, half choked.

"I can't, Lawrence... I don't..."

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have... I'm terrible," Lawrence muttered, pulling away and trying to retreat from Adam.

"No!" Adam said, grabbing Lawrence's wrist, "I want to kiss you, I really do. I just don't want to get you sick." Adam looked up shyly at Lawrence and blushed, his body getting warmer. He didn't know whether it was the cold or being extremely aroused.

"Adam, I'm a doctor. I can handle it. I'm around diseases all day. A little cold won't kill me," Lawrence reassured, pulling Adam into another soft kiss, barely there, a whisper of a kiss. He lost himself in a tizzy, his body and mind reeling with excitement. 

He didn't expect Adam to react this way. Lawrence was just taking a leap a faith, spur of the moment kind of deal and hoped for the best. But when Adam put his hands on his shoulders and felt his lips press firmer into his, he knew. The doctor knew that Adam wanted him and he couldn't have found this out in a more unfortunate moment.

Adam squeaked when Lawrence's tongue breached his defenses and made itself at home in his mouth, making Adam's tongue move as well. Lawrence groaned and pulled away gently, ending the kiss and leaving Adam, and himself, wanting more. But they both knew Lawrence had somewhere to be.

"I got to go now," Lawrence whispered against Adam's damp lips.

"I know."

Lawrence gave him another sweet kiss, letting Adam nip at his bottom lip playfully like the young and virile man he is and Lawrence smiled through it until it ended. He pulled back to see Adam smile brightly, brighter than he'd ever seen the man do before.

Lawrence walked over to the clown doll and picked it up before heading towards the door with Adam following close behind to say goodbye. When he got to the door, Lawrence stopped in the doorway and turned around to grab Adam by the front of his shirt with his free hand. Before Adam could think any coherent thought Lawrence had crushed their mouths together in one last passionate kiss.

"Goodbye," Lawrence said tauntingly with a sly smile and a wink.

"Seeya," Adam panted after he was able to catch his breath, the biggest most idiotic grin covering his face.

*****************

The rest of the day went fairly well for Lawrence. Diana was more than pleased with the colorful clown with the silly smile and she was even more excited to see her father and spend time with him. She told him all about school and the words she learned this week, pronouncing some of them wrong but able to rattle off the definition at the drop of a hat.

Most of their time spent together was parading around the house, well mostly Diana, and drawing pictures for eachother. They played hide and seek at one point but Lawrence gave up after a couple of rounds claiming that he was no good at hiding. Diana didn't complain too much about that, she was having too much fun to care what about they were doing.

Diana told her father a story about a princess that traveled with her mother and father across the land to seek a place with amusement and happiness. How the princess had lived in an oppressive and joyless palace where having fun was a crime and anyone caught laughing would be exiled. She and her parents had found all the happiness in the world at the end of the Earth. And the princess lived there with her mommy and daddy for the rest of eternity, smiling everyday.

Lawrence was particularly fond of the story and how oblivious yet innocent it was. He was grateful the Diana never questioned why him and mommy weren't together anymore but he knew she was itching to. Maybe she understood that it was a subject he didn't want to discuss. Maybe she didn't want to know. She was such a smart little girl and Lawrence just loved her.

When Lawrence announced that it was bedtime Diana got in her pajamas and hid underneath her father's sheets, giggling with her clown doll she decided to name "Knock-Knock". Lawrence came in after her and pretended to not know where she was hiding until Diana threw the blankets back to surprise him.

"Come on, kiddo. I said it's bedtime," Lawrence smiled.

"I want to sleep with you tonight. In here where it's safe," she said softly, clutching at Knock-Knock.

"Okay, sweetheart," he soothed, patting her on the head. "Did you brush your teeth?"

She nodded like a bobble head, showing off her teeth for inspection before she was tucked under the covers. Lawrence slid in beside her and cradled Diana in his arms until they both fell asleep, their "goodnights" and "I love you's" falling short to be consumed by the night.

And when Alison came to pick Diana up the next day he kissed her on the forehead and patted Knock-Knock on the head, saying a half-hearted hello and goodbye to Alison as they walked away. The car pulled out of the driveway and vanished soon after and it occurred to Lawrence he had forgotten something he wanted to tell Diana.

He forgot to tell Diana that Adam said hello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Knock-Knock (the name of Diana's clown doll) comes from a kid in the game Fallout 3 (who's nick named Knock-Knock) and tells corny knock knock jokes. The name felt kinda appropriate :P


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! So it's been like almost 3 weeks since I updated! :O Very sorry for the delay! My sleeping hours have been all over the place! I just needed a break from this story for a little bit to work on other stories. I get an idea for a fic and I have to write it! Idk how much longer this story will be?? I was going to end it soon (like 2 more updates) but as of right now I'm not sure. It MIGHT be 3 more chapters long.

Adam was really up shit creek without a paddle.

He didn't have money and soon his landlord would catch onto to him and evict Adam without so much as a second glance. Adam may have not been overly excited about his apartment but he wasn't exactly jazzed about living on the streets either. He'd given up his photography for fundamental reasons and he had a terrible procrastination problem that stopped him from looking for a job.

Adam was in a tight spot. Between a rock and a hard place. There wasn't many options and the ones he did have weren't exactly his ideal first choice. He could ask Lawrence for money but Adam feared that he'd become too dependent on the Doctor's generosity, besides he'd feel like he was using Lawrence and Lawrence deserved better than that.

Come to think of it, Lawrence was Adam's only choice but Adam would be damned if he asked him for help. Lawrence has done so much for him already and it'd be rude to ask for more, especially after the realization that Lawrence actually liked him. And kissed him. Adam wondered if Lawrence wanted him as much as he wanted the Doctor.

It made Adam think of all the pictures he took of Lawrence when Tapp had hired him and how he found out Lawrence was cheating on his wife. Adam wondered if it was a man or a woman that he saw. He wondered if it was someone Lawrence knew personally or a complete stranger. Had he paid for it?

Adam's mind was wandering into dark places he never wanted to be in again and along with the painful memories came an idea that shouldn't have crossed his mind in the first place. An idea that'd help him survive and provide for himself regardless of how he earned the money. He cursed himself for the speculation of Dr. Gordon's affair because it gave him an option that'd let him earn money fast.

The rusted hinges of the closet door were creaking again and Adam rubbed at the headache that was building up in his eyes. He slowly sunk into his ratty couch and covered his ears as if it'd help cancel out the maddening noise, but it never worked. It only drove him more insane as he speculated the occupation that had bloomed in his head. And he really HAD to speculate because the occupation in mind called for a lot of courage and being able to let go of his pride, which he had little of.

Adam couldn't actually believe he was even considering it. What would Lawrence think of him? What would he think of himself?

Lawrence didn't have to know because it was none of his business and Adam could look after himself. He was a big boy now. An adult that had enough responsibility to look after himself without anyone there to hold his hand every step of the way. He followed his own rules and did what he wanted, when he wanted. Lawrence wasn't his father.

It was brutally obvious how Adam was going to make money, whether he wanted to or not, and fast. It wasn't the best choice but it was all he had at the moment. He should be disgusted in himself for even considering it, but he was different now. His life was different and his morals had changed. His morals had lowered to something far worst than voyeurism and the invasion of people's privacy.

If Jigsaw didn't have a good enough reason to test Adam before, he'd be having a field day with Adam right now. Adam was sure of it.

Adam told the door to shut up like he always did and went to his room to put on some clean clothes. He wasn't a hundred percent on his idea right now but he figured he'd at least take a look for himself, see what he could find out to help sway his decision. To see if he could hack it and make it a career, if not for a short while.

He went into his bathroom to have a good look at himself in the mirror. He looked tired because of the dark circles under his eyes but other than that he looked pretty standard and his clothes were presentable enough for a selected amount of public. Adam bent down and splashed some water on his face to get his head straight then looked at himself again for another once over.

~But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror?~

Adam's breath caught in his throat. He turned away from the mirror and tried not to think of Jigsaw's voice, tried not to think of that place that could've been his tomb. He had bigger things to worry about right now and he needed to leave soon. It'd be dark out soon. Night was always the best time for these sorts of things Adam would be indulging in soon enough. All for the sake of having a home and food.

He grabbed his keys and stuffed them into his pocket, locking the door on his way out.

***************

Adam's heard of places like this but has never actually been to them before. It was completely new to him and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little scared. You had to be on your guard at places like this because it was easy to get drugged... Or worse. And if Adam was serious about this he'd have to be smart and remember to choose his "clients" carefully for future reference.

This club was the kind of place where people went to hook up, both straight and gay people. Black or white, it didn't matter. This was the place where everyone was welcomed to indulge in some music, dancing, alcohol, and sex. Everyone came here for something and on some occasions there were the ones who'd be on the prowl for something particular and willing to pay for their fantasies to become reality.

If you were looking to score you'd have to know where to look and who to talk to because most people still had rules of what their clients could and couldn't do. And you'd also have to account for everyone's different prices and specialties. Adam was no exception though. He was new to this scene and if he wanted to prostitute himself to make money, he'd be willing to do anything.

He was desperate.

The club was pulsing with music. The club was called Genres. Something for everyone, which was ironically the slogan for this particular club. Neon illuminated the scantly dressed women, and some men, and lasers flickered around the dance floor as friends, lovers, and loners danced to the music filling the air. Everyone moved with reckless abandon, drinks in hand and whipping their heads around as if the music itself had possessed them.

Adam moved around in the shadows of the dance floor like an outsider, taking in this lifestyle that gave you so much but never informed you of the consequences that came with it. The predators and their prey talked with their bodies and eyes, whispering promises of fun or anything else they desired. The unquenchable hunger was never sated though. This place was one big addict.

Taking a seat at the bar counter, Adam took a look around to scan to establishment in a panoramic view. He didn't order a drink because he wanted to have a clear head, besides he had no money for drinks at a place like this anyway. Adam sat with his back to the counter and took this atmosphere in, half believing that this wasn't real and that he'd wake up soon.

What was he thinking? He shouldn't have come here. It had bad idea written all over it and if his grandmother could see him right now, she'd be rolling in her grave at how naive and stupid her grandson was. Adam got up to leave and ran face first into a tall man in a suit.

The man made an oomph sound and grabbed onto Adam's arms by instinct to keep him from toppling to the ground. Adam straightened up and looked into the man's grey eyes, reeling back just a little as if he were frightened of him. The man let go of Adam's arms, smiling a little at the young man's naivety. He was the first to apologize.

"Sorry about that. I should really watch where I'm going," said the man.

"It's alright," Adam mumbled nervously, turning away to blend into the crowd.

"Hey, um," the man said, grabbing one of Adam's arms again to greet him properly, "I'm Peter."

"Adam."

"Nice to meet you, Adam. I don't think I've had the pleasure of seeing you here before."

Peter too a seat at the bar counter, turned half around to face Adam sideways motioning for Adam to take a seat next to him. Adam hesitantly sat down next to Peter, not knowing what to expect, and kept his hands in his lap to see where this would go. Peter may be dressed in a nice suit, but then again looks can be deceiving.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Peter asked politely.

Adam nodded if not a little reluctantly and watched as Peter ordered to beers. Normal enough, Adam thought. Nothing fancy and it was sealed so he couldn't be drugged or anything crazy like that. The bartender brought two beers and opened them up right in front of them and passed them to Peter and Adam.

Adam watched Peter drink from his bottle and he did the same, looking away when Peter cast an eye over at him. Peter smiled knowingly at Adam and smirked at the nervousness radiating off of the young man in waves, setting the glass bottle down to pose a question for Adam.

"So, Adam, what brings you to Genres?" Peter started conversationally, leaning on an elbow.

"I don't know," Adam answered meekly. "I guess to see what it's like."

"Peter took a drink. "Come here with someone?"

"No."

The syllable left his mouth and seemed to echo in the space between them which was almost nonexistent. Peter was so close, looming, the heat of his body prominent against Adam's to mangle his breath and become trapped in his dry throat. Adam sipped from his bottle, clutching at it with both hands protectively.

"Maybe you came here to leave with someone instead?" Peter remarked with a grin. "Hook up, fool around, and collect a few solid bills afterwards?"

Adam went pale and held his breath at Peter's spot on presumptions, squirming slightly in his stool and trying to disappear. Peter saw this and got closer, wrapping an arm around Adam's shoulders to press his chest against the young man's side. Adam was scared and he was now regretting his choice about coming here. This was a mistake.

"But you don't know how dangerous it can be. Guys would break you," Peter said hotly into Adam's ear.

"Please, don't," Adam panted out weakly, but it was no use.

"I know your type," Peter whispered lowly, pushing away from Adam abruptly and returning his attention to his beer as if he hadn't just been talking Adam.

Adam couldn't help but feel a little offended by Peter and scowled at the older man.

"And what type is that?" Adam challenged.

"A smart kid that's short on cash, trying to make a living but too damn lazy to do something about it. So you pimp yourself out for some quick cash. Word of advice, kid, stop while you're ahead."

"How do you know that? Adam asked a little defeated because Peter just read him like a book and he felt embarrassed now.

"I'm a detective. I deal with your type everyday," Peter said nonchalantly. "You shouldn't be here, kid. You could get seriously hurt."

"I'm not a kid," Adam defended with sour look. Peter smirked.

"Compared to me, you are," Peter chuckled between sips of his beer. "Go home, kid. You deserve a better life that this. Hold onto your pride while you still have it."

Adam lowered his shoulders in surrender. Peter was right. This wasn't a place for him and he did deserve better, whether he thought so or not. Adam hopped off of the stool and went to leave but it seemed as though a few guys had turned their attention to him while he sat with Peter. He turned back to Peter and clutched to his arm.

"Can you take me home please?" Adam asked, worried.

Peter quirked an eyebrow then saw the men looking and he understood why Adam was being a little clingy. He guided Adam safely out of the club with his hand at the small of Adam's back, protecting to young man from all of the predatory gazes cast his way.

Peter led Adam to his car and opened up the door for him, walking around the other side to climb in as well. The car started up and Peter pulled out of the parking lot as Adam told him what street he lived on. Peter didn't need directions because he knew the city like the back of his hand, after all he was a special agent.

They stayed quiet most of the way, the radio the only background noise to fill the emptiness between them as they sped down the streets. The cool air against Adam's face felt nice and he was grateful that Peter turned out to be a good guy and was kind enough to take him home. Not many people would be so considerate. Adam of all people knew that.

Peter pulled up alongside the sidewalk and put his car in park, letting it settle for a moment then leaning over to open Adam's door for him. He put his arm around the passenger seat and said goodbye to Adam and Adam did the same. Peter didn't drive away until he was sure Adam made it inside the apartment safely.

*****************

"I came by last night. Where were you Adam?" Lawrence asked after Adam invited him in.

Adam bit the inside of his cheek and looked away from Lawrence's gaze, unable to look him in the eyes from all the guilt he was feeling from last night. Lawrence followed Adam further into his house, coming to a stop in Adam's bedroom. Adam turned back to Lawrence and grabbed him by the tie, dragging Lawrence over to his bed.

Lawrence let Adam pull him along to push him against the bed as Adam climbed on top of him, kissing the doctor on the lips to distract him. It wasn't that Adam didn't want to kiss Lawrence but he wanted to avoid the question more, so this was the only way to shut Lawrence up.

Their mouths opened and their tongues slide along together, twisting and twirling as if their lives depended on it. Adam moaned into Lawrence's mouth obscenely and ground his butt down against Lawrence's crotch. He wasn't hard. Was Lawrence not attracted to him or something? Adam pulled back and stared down at the doctor confused.

"Am I doing something wrong?" Adam asked.

"You didn't answer my question, Adam," Lawrence panted.

Adam scoffed and climbed off of Lawrence to sit on the edge of his bed, shaking his head and wanting to scream to just let go off all his anger. No. He had a better idea. The baseball bat propped up against the corner of the room caught his attention and he got up from the bed to pick it up. He stormed out of the room, leaving Lawrence to call after him.

Adam walked up to the closet door, arching back with the baseball bat and swinging it against it's hard wooden surface. He arched back several times to come crashing back down, making the wood splinter and crack with each swing. His body was shaking with adrenaline and his heart pounded inside his chest, blood throbbing in his ears to block out all sound.

He could see only red as he showed the closet door no mercy in his onslaught and despite his arms becoming tired and back aching, he couldn't stop. Adam swung viciously, blinded by the rage and fear and insecurities he was feeling being pumped through his body. Each impact sent tremors up his arms as the sound of splintering wood echoed around the apartment.

Lawrence came limping into the kitchen to see what Adam was doing and when he saw the young man destroying the closet door he rushed over to stop Adam. He was struck in the gut by accident and he fell to the ground, grunting as he did. Adam stopped swinging and went to the ground to see if Lawrence was alright, blind fury subsiding.

"I'm so sorry, Lawrence. Are you alright?" Adam gushed.

"I'm fine," Lawrence strained as he sat up straight.

Adam felt bad and didn't understand why he had lashed out like he just did, but he couldn't face Lawrence. He turned away as he felt the tears sting at the corners of his eyes, hiding his shame from Lawrence's ever observant gaze. Even though he couldn't face Lawrence, Adam still owed him an explanation.

"I'm being evicted," Adam admitted quietly. "Last night... I went somewhere I shouldn't have. I didn't want to, but what was I supposed to do? I needed money."

Lawrence listened intently as Adam sobbed out his story, reaching a hand out to place it on the young man's shoulder reassuringly to soothe him. The doctor frowned at Adam's obvious distress and sympathized with his feeling of helplessness.

"I was going to sleep with a man for money... But I couldn't bring myself to do it," Adam sobbed, cradling his face in his hands as he cried against them. "I felt so guilty and ashamed. I felt like I was sinking. And I thought of you..."

Adam's voice was cracking and Lawrence scooted over to sit in front of Adam, raising his head up to meet his blue misty eyes. Lawrence looked as though he was about to cry and it made Adam hate himself even more. Just the thought of Lawrence crying hit Adam so hard that it felt like he was being punched in the kidneys.

"I thought of you," Adam repeated, "and it made me regret my decision. Not because I was ashamed of lowering myself... but because I was ashamed of hurting the one I love."

"Adam..." Lawrence whispered, still hoding Adam's wet face in his hands. "Come home with me. Let me take you away." Lawrence bridged the gap between them and kissed Adam to silence any protest he might have had against the idea. Lawrence pulled away to whisper against Adam's lips. "Let me take care of you."

Adam didn't say a thing because he didn't know what to say, words failed him and this moment was just too much for him. He had admitted his love and infidelity to Lawrence and now he was just trying to keep himself from saying something stupid.

And Lawrence kissed him again, all the shame and guilt washing away as he closed his eyes. Feeling the moment with his soul and seeing it for what it was. The painful reminder of their shared past was destroyed, broken into wooden shards covering the floor around them as they toppled over kissing passionately. And if they had looked ridiculous rolling around on broken wood, it didn't seem to matter much to Adam.

Because the creaking had stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was a little weird because Adam went to a club and considered having sex for money, but I wanted to have a change of scenery because I felt like this was boring just keeping it at Adam's house (and sometimes Lawrence's). I hope this was alright!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I always say this but: I'm really and truly sorry for the slow updates. I just haven't had the urge to write lately. It's not writer's block, I just needed a break. But anyway... I hope this chapter is good.

The next day Lawrence came over to pick Adam and his stuff up so the young man could move in with him. At first Adam was hesitant and unsure of moving in with Lawrence, he felt like he wasn't worthy. It was a debt that Adam could never repay with money because that was the reason why he need to move in with Lawrence in the first place.

Money.

It was out of the question, but Lawrence insisted that he move in post haste. Lawrence reassured the young man that it was no problem whatsoever and that if he did feel obligated to repay the doctor then he could take as much time as he needed. But that wasnt the case, because Lawrence loved the young man and to have him waiting at HIS house for him to come home gave him purpose. To see Adam curled up on the couch or in his bed, fast asleep because he waited up all night for him to come home from the hospital... Lawrence craved that.

And Adam wouldn't hurt anymore. He wouldn't have any reason to be scared because Lawrence would protect Adam from all the monsters in the world and Adam wouldn't have to do anything. Some people would think that was backwards, that Adam should be the one taking care of Lawrence (he did lose a foot, you know) but Adam was still just a boy in so many ways. Besides, Lawrence was a doctor, he could take care of himself if need be.

Right now Lawrence was taking as many bags he could carry to his car while Adam rounded up the rest. There wasn't much that Adam had so the trips back and forth were minimal, but it still took Lawrence a little longer than the average person because of his foot. He was still trying to get used to the prosthetic one he had specially made and stairs weren't exactly his ally.

On his second trip down, Lawrence had to catch his breath halfway down the stairs as he used his cane to keep himself propped up. The bags hung loosely in his hands and when he regained some composure Lawrence slowly descended the remaining steps and out to his car. Eachtime he had to come down, Lawrence would unlock his trunk because he didn't trust this neighborhood enough to keep it unlocked.

Lawrence tossed the bags in and shut the trunk with a thud, making his way back to Adam's apartment to get the next bundle of clothes. He stepped through threshold and there were a few bags on the ground, but there was no Adam to be found. Lawrence walked further into the apartment a noticed a door that was always closed, but was now open.

There was a redlight peering through the crack of the door and Lawrence approached it slowly, pushing the door open. There was no doorknob so it swung open freely without any resistance. Adam was in the corner with his camera slung around his neck, fiddling with the vaguely remembered buttons and tiny switches. Lawrence cleared his throat and Adam turned at the sound, making a picture float to the ground.

It landed face down and Lawrence struggled to the ground to retrieve it, waving Adam away when the young man tried to help. Lawrence could do it on his own. He grabbed it and stood up, or at least tried to, before Adam could offer his help again. Lawrence turned the picture around and his expression dropped ever so slightly.

It was a picture of himself with a hand covering his face. It was the picture Adam had took of him when he was in the parking garage. When he went to see Carla like he had many times before. It seemed as though this was the only picture left behind. Despite not wanting to remember anything from before, Lawrence wanted to keep this picture.

Adam looked at him shyly but Lawrence gave him a small smile as if to say that it was alright and that he held no anger towards the young man. Adam went for the picture but Lawrence drew it away, shaking his head.

"No," Lawrence said, "I want to keep this."

Adam nodded even though he'd prefer Lawrence to throw it away so they wouldn't be reminded of such a dark moment in their shared history. But Lawrence could be just as stubborn as Adam and Adam could let this one go just once. Lawrence walked up to Adam, making sure he was very close to the younger man.

"This is a really good shot," Lawrence complimented, holding the picture towards Adam.

"It's crap," Adam mumbled despondently, not wanting it to be far from the truth.

"It's flawless and you know it," Lawrence said, wrapping an arm around Adam's waist and pulled him in even closer. He set the picture down to cup the side of Adam's face, tracing his thumb along the line of Adam's jaw affectionately. "Do you have all your stuff?"

"Mmm-hmm," Adam nodded, practically swooning at Lawrence's warmth and overwhelming aura.

"Taking this too?" Lawrence asked, tapping at the camera. Adam nodded again, smiling. "Then let's get out of here."

Lawrence grabbed the picture of himself and went to leave the red room but Adam called out to him before he could step through the doorway.

"Lawrence. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Adam."

They both left room, making sure to turn the light off as they did so. Adam grabbed his remaining bags and Lawrence opened the door for the young man, locking it behind him. As they passed by the office Lawrence popped inside and set the key on the desk inside, writing the absent landlord a small note.

When Lawrence walked out the front of the building Adam quirked up an eyebrow at Lawrence, wondering what had held up the doctor. Lawrence waved him off dismissively and lifted the trunk open so Adam could throw in the rest of his stuff. After they were all packed up and seated in the car, Adam sighed with relief. The cushion of the car seat soothed all the tightly wound muscles in Adam's back and he sank down, feeling like he could fall asleep in Lawrence's car.

The car started up and they took down the street, hooking a left to drive towards the sun. It had just turned 5:00pm and Adam was tired. It could be that the seats were beyond heavenly or the fact that Adam had stayed up most of the night, thinking about all the things that could've happened the day before if he had gone home with a stranger.

Adam could've gotten hurt or worse...

The ride was to Lawrence's house was silent and soon Adam felt himself drifting off, his eyelids became heavy and he yawned quietly. His eyes closed and his head lolled towards the rolled down window, the wind softly caressing his hair. His body was relaxed and all the tension melted from his muscles.

Lawrence kept his eyes on the road for the most part but at one point they drifted over to Adam to see the man snoozing through the car ride. He smiled fondly at how adorable and peaceful Adam looked while he slept. If he wasn't driving right now, he'd reach over and ruffle Adam's hair playfully. But Lawrence didn't feel like getting in a car accident today, or any other day for that matter.

****************

"Hey," Lawrence murmured in Adam's ear, nudging him to rouse up from his slumber. "We're home."

"Home?" Adam asked groggily.

"Our home."

"Mmm," Adam grumbled lowly. He opened up his eyes and looked up at Lawrence, searching for the blonde man's blue eyes that held an outstanding amount of warmth. "Carry me inside?"

"I would if I could," Lawrence chuckled softly. "Come on, let me show you inside."

"What about my stuff?"

"Already inside the house."

Adam groaned and reluctantly got out of Lawrence's car, missing the comfy padding of the seat already. Lawrence noticed this and smiled slyly at the young man.

"The bed is much more comfortable," Lawrence winked.

It sent a shiver down Adam's spine and the anticipation was already eating away at his patience. Adam didn't know whether to sleep in first or pin Lawrence to it and let the older man have his way with him. Adam was leaning towards the latter, but first he needed to wake up a little.

He followed Lawrence up the walkway and when they got to the door Lawrence fumbled for his keys, dropping them on the ground. Adam bent down to grab them, bringing them up to jingle them in Lawrence's face teasingly. Lawrence smirked and snatched them out of Adam's hand, grumbling to himself as he unlocked the front door.

The door swung open and Adam was blasted with cool air and for a moment it left him reeling. It had been a long time since Adam used the AC and he almost forgot about them entirely. It was like he had been living under a rock. Everything was new all over again, foreign, like he was discovering it for the first time.

Lawrence's place was nice, perhaps a little big for just one man, but nice nonetheless. A familiar wave of emotion washed over Adam as he took everything in, an emotion he was trying to run away from. This place was lonely. The atmosphere was cold and sterile, like a hospital, and Adam wrapped his arms around himself to warm his arms up.

Adam followed Lawrence around the house as he was shown every room, including Diana's, and Lawrence told him never to go in there but Adam knew better anyway. He was shown Lawrence's bedroom, the one him and his ex-wife used to share, and it made him wonder if they'd be the ones sharing it now.

It was very possible since Adam's bags were in here waiting to be unpacked and put away into empty drawers just for him. Lawrence sharing his space nearly made Adam's heart break and he started to feel guilty all over again. It was clear Lawrence liked him and it was also clear that it was no big deal to the doctor, but Adam was never used to having things handed to him without a price or a catch.

It just wasn't how things worked in the world, especially for Adam. He didn't deserve the world but yet here was Lawrence, handing it to him on a silver platter. It turned Adam's stomach and he felt sick, churning his insides with too much guilt that he shouldn't have to feel.

Lawrence put his hand at the small of Adam's back and he felt the young man shiver slightly. He pressed up against Adam's back and rested his chin on his shoulder, letting his breath ghost over Adam's pale neck. His arms wrapped around Adam's slim waist, hugging his body to the young man protectively.

"Why don't you take a shower while I cook dinner?" Lawrence suggested in a soft murmur that trailed along the underside of Adam's jaw.

"Are you trying to say I smell or something?" Adam giggled.

"No, I just thought you'd want to unwind a little. Take a nice hot shower, rinse away all those bad vibes..."

"Bad vibes?" Adam mocked fondly.

"Shut up. You know what I mean," Lawrence smirked. "Go get cleaned up. I'll see you afterwards. I promise."

Lawrence kissed the spot behind Adam's ear and rubbed the side of his face in Adam's hair before turning away and letting Adam prepare for his shower. Adam watched Lawrence walk away and out of the bedroom, noting that his limp wasn't very noticeable anymore. Adam looked around the room and spotted a bullet hole that had pierced on of the bed posts. The bullet was gone but the reminder was still there.

He thumbed it for a moment, sticking a finger inside it and feeling where the wood had splintered from the impact of the bullet. Adam was glad Lawrence's family wasn't hurt by that man Zep, his family didn't deserve what happened to them. They were the innocent ones through that whole catastrophe.

Adam left the room and padded down the hallway to the bathroom, creaking wood beneath his feet. There was a towel already set out for him on the sink's counter and his reflection caught his eye as walked past the mirror. He looked at himself for a moment and this time he wasn't disgusted at what he saw.

His clothes came off as fast as he could manage because in all honesty he wanted to get in the shower and feel warm water cascade down his aching and tired body. He turned the knob and after a delayed second the shower head came to life, coating the tub with water and mist as the bathroom slowly fogged over. It clouded the mirror and the sliding glass doors to the shower.

Adam put one foot in to test the water and when he deemed it just right he stepped inside, standing beneath the pulsing spray of water that coated his entire body in just seconds. Adam couldn't remember the last time a shower felt this good, he was sure it had been a very long time. He ducked his head under the current of water and let it soak his hair, making a few strands fall forward in his face. He wiped them back eachtime they fell into view.

Water ran down his body in familiar patterns and his hands were braced against the porcelain wall in front of him. Adam reached down and picked up the bar of soap, grabbing a rag to lather it up with foam. He rubbed it along his arms and chest slowly, relishing the feel of it against his skin and rubbed down lower to his legs.

The soapy foam rinsed off of his body as he bent forward to wash his legs, hot water pounding against his back. Adam straightened up again and lather up his arms and chest once more for good measure. He wasn't that dirty or self conscience, it just felt great to be under the hot water and clean. It felt better than hot cocoa in the winter.

He rinsed out the rag and hung it back on the shower head, picking up the shampoo bottle next. The top clicked open with a snap and he squirted some into the palm of his hand, capping it and setting it down. Adam rubbed the citrusy substance into his short dark hair, massaging it into his scalp to ensure his hair would get clean.

As his hair rinsed his hands roamed around his wet, bare body, feeling the points were his bones jutted out too much. He was almost too thin to be classified as having a healthy diet, but hopefully living with Lawrence would change that. His fingers drifted across his sharp hipbones and traced along the line of his waist, just above his lower region. He had half a mind to abuse himself but decided against it.

He had only been here a half hour and he didn't want his first memory here to be jerking off in Lawrence's shower, the same shower his daughter used whenever she came over. What the hell, man? What was wrong with him? Adam shook his head in shame. He felt like a total loser just thinking about it.

He turned the shower off and opened up the glass door, sliding it to one side before stepping out onto the bathroom rugs. Adam reached for the towel to dry his hair, rustling it around his head in a blur then draping it over his body to do the same. Adam wiped away the foggy film on the mirror and smiled at his reflection.

It had been almost an hour since Lawrence last saw Adam and he wondered what the young man had gotten up to in the bathroom. The dinner was, more or less, finished so he turned off the burners and walked down the hall to the bathroom, but Adam wasn't there. Lawrence furrowed his eyebrows and something on the mirror caught his attention.

It looked like Adam had wiped off the fog near the center, leaving the top and bottom still covered in mist. At the bottom of the mirror were seven bold letters spelling out the word: BEDROOM. It intrigued the doctor and a delightfully wicked smile creased his features. He walked as quickly down the hall as he could and approached the ajar door to his bedroom.

Lawrence pushed the door open.

Adam was on the bed in his underwear, sitting sideways with his legs to one side and an arm propping him up on the other side of him. He'd be lying if he said Adam didn't look seductive as hell. Lawrence walked to the foot of the bed and grabbed the frame to take in the sight before him, wondering what had gotten into Adam.

Despite the welcoming sight that was Adam, Lawrence had to contain himself.

"Dinner's ready," said Lawrence, hooking a thumb in the kitchen's general direction. Adam looked un phased by it. His eyes were trained on Lawrence with insatiable hunger.

"I'm not hungry for food," Adam said, crawling to the foot of the bed like a lion stalking it's prey. He stopped in front of Lawrence and raised up on his knees so he was level with the blonde man. Adam threw his arms around Lawrence's neck, lacing his fingers together to lock them in place.

"What are you doing?" Lawrence asked as if he had no clue.

"You know damn well what I'm doing," Adam murmured against Lawrence's lips.

Adam moved closer and pressed his lips to Lawrence's, sealing them in a chaste kiss. Lawrence made a small humming sound and Adam returned it, deepening the kiss by moving his lips and tracing his tongue along Lawrence bottom lip. Lawrence opened up despite his best efforts and let Adam control the kiss for a split second before he took over.

Lawrence was passionate and a tad possessive when it came to kissing and it turned Adam on beyond belief. There was a sound as if something was dropped on the ground and Adam figured it was Lawrence's cane. When Lawrence's tongue demanded more entry Adam moaned, letting Lawrence claim his mouth more deeply. They both pulled away for air, breathless from the intensity of their kiss.

"Dinner's going to get cold," Lawrence whined.

"What do you think microwaves are for?" Adam practically purred. "I'd rather have you for dinner anyway."

"What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing yet," Adam quipped slyly, rubbing up against Lawrence like a cat.

Lawrence flushed subtly with chills breaking out along his neck and back, shivering at the implication. Adam pulled him towards the bed more, causing Lawrence to stumble forward and almost falling to the ground. Lawrence's tie was wrapped around Adam's hand and when he pulled exceptionally rough, Lawrence wobbled and fell to the ground for real this time.

Adam gasped when he saw Lawrence drop to the ground with an agonizing thud, howling in pain as he twisted on the hard wooden floor. Adam stuck his head over the edge of the bed to see Lawrence struggling to sit up and when he noticed what had happened he locked eyes with Lawrence. It seems Lawrence's prosthetic foot had fallen off when Adam had pulled him.

A twinge of guilt sting Adam and Lawrence blushed profusely, quickly scrambling for his foot. Adam sat back on the bed to hang his head down in shame, silently cursing himself. After a few moments Lawrence got back up to his feet and cleared his throat subtly. They didn't speak, for what seemed like a long time, to eachother until Adam tried changing the subject.

"So, um... What's for dinner?" Adam asked innocently, trying for a smile but failing.

"Just some chicken and rice I threw together," Lawrence blushed.

Adam nodded and Lawrence left the room while Adam got dressed. They both sat down for dinner in silence.

****************

"You can have my bed tonight," Lawrence told Adam when it was well into the night and they were both tired.

"Where are you sleeping?" Adam asked with worry.

"The couch."

Adam sighed with a huff. "You don't need to do that, Lawrence. I can take the couch."

"No, I insist--"

"How about we both share the bed?"

"Adam I don't think that's good idea..." Lawrence trailed off.

"Just to sleep," Adam reassured quickly. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

He watched Lawrence consider it and he saw Lawrence cave a moment later. Lawrence nodded and they went to bed with eachother. Adam helped Lawrence out of his clothes, admiring each aspect of the doctor like he was unwrapping a christmas present. He could tell Lawrence was nervous and most definately self conscience.

"It's okay," Adam murmured.

Lawrence's body lied and deceived eyes on a regular basis. His clothes were untrustworthy but when Lawrence was bare he wasn't as big as his clothes made him out to be. He was big, sure, but it quit suited him. Adam liked it. Lawrence sat down on the bed and watched Adam undress as well and when both men were in their underwear, they crawled underneath the blankets together and snuggled close to one another.

They stared at eachother for the longest time, keeping quiet and just letting themselves get lost in the other's eyes with only the moon to illuminate them. Adam could understand Lawrence's insecurity, he had insecurities of his own to deal with. If Lawrence needed time before getting into the whole relationship thing, Adam could understand that.

He could wait for Lawrence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, aren't I just the terrible cock block from hell? Don't worry, I have plans for the next chapter >;D There will be one more chapter after this and I hope to update soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeelllppp! It's what you've all been waiting for (well, everyone who's followed this story from the beginning that is). The final chapter! Yay! The chapter in which I stop being a cock blocker and let all the feelings and sexy times come full circle!

»Overview«

It's been nearly a month since Adam has been living here in Lawrence's home and things seem to be going quite well. Adam had met the infamous Diana Gordon and, unfortunately, Alison Gordon as well. And of course Alison was immediately opposed to the idea of Adam being around Diana but Lawrence had his rights as a father, besides Adam was a changed man. He would never hurt Diana.

Adam liked Diana. She was silly and a ball of energy (what kid wasn't?) and she loved to draw pictures of Adam. He was surprised to see Diana take a liking to him so fast. On one of the occasions that she came over, Adam showed her his camera. They'd take pictures of eachother all day, running around the house with the camera as if it were a game of tag. It seemed as though Adam and Diana weren't so different.

Lawrence would watch them with a fond eye and chuckle to himself as he watched them both act like children. Diana was still a child but Adam was a grown man, he had no excuse for the way he acted around Diana. But still... It made Adam more adorable and endearing, going out of his way to bond with Lawrence's child and show her new things and vice versa.

Diana was very much into the whole photography thing and she'd often compare it to her drawings, but she'd admit that her caricatures were less detailed than Adam's photos. Adam's lens never fabricated the truth and it never distorted the reality of a place or person. It couldn't possibly lie to the naked eye.

It was safe to say that he had hooked Diana.

On some occasions Adam would help Diana put on a show for her father and perform it with her as her back up. It usually involved a fairy tale with a short but catchy musical number the two came up with before hand. Lawrence loved it when they did a show for him. It made the doctor feel special and it was like his family had never separated in the first place.

Adam had unknowingly took on the persona of a mother and it made Lawrence love Adam even more for his eagerness to spend time with Diana. It embarrassed Lawrence to say that it secretly turned him on by the way Adam had inexplicably became something that vaguely resembled a wife. Lawrence had some serious issues to work out.

When they'd sit down for dinner, again, it felt like they were a family and they'd all laugh and joke and Diana would talk about school or random nonsense that happened in her shows. As she'd carry on, Adam would look away from Diana for a split second and his eyes would drift across the table. Everything would be in slow motion, every movement accounted for and recorded into Lawrence's mind.

Adam's eyes would be creased in glee and his smile would shape the unique outline of his jaw and chin, time stopping for a few short seconds before starting up again and Adam would lock eyes with him. That was it. For a secretly shared short moment, Lawrence was married all over again. That same passion and intimacy in Adam's eyes that had been in his ex wife's years ago. That same fire burning in his soul.

Diana never noticed what went on between them in moments like that. Adam hardly even registered them when they occurred, but Lawrence never missed a single one. He craved for moments like that. A short tid bit of time where he could just look into Adam's eyes and know everything the young man would want to do or say if they were alone.

But despite craving those words and intimate actions Lawrence was still scared, frightened by Adam's silent judgment and scanning eyes. He was too damn insecure about his appearance to notice that Adam didn't care if he wasn't in the best phsyical shape or the fact that he was severely crippled and missing a foot. Lawrence was too blind and too far gone to realize that Adam loved Lawrence for who he was.

Before, Adam had judged the doctor so blindly as Jigsaw had, but now Lawrence was rehabilitated and a better person. He helped Adam when he was supposed to murder him to save his family, but Lawrence had managed to save both Adam and his family. Lawrence was completely selfless now and Adam had fallen in love with that.

Adam had fell in love with this new Lawrence.

He was a damsel in distress and Lawrence was his knight in shining armor that prevailed over all the darkness and horrors of Jigsaw's game. Adam had fell apart piece by piece until he was just a shade of his former self, but Lawrence was always there to glue the pieces back together. Lawrence was the only one fighting for Adam and it broke the young man's heart to actually think Lawrence would picture him so shallow that he would only care about physical appearance alone.

Adam knew that was the reason why they hadn't had sex yet, well, part of the reason at least. He didn't know what else was keeping the doctor from taking him to the bedroom, pining him to the bed, and making passionate love to him. Adam had shown the doctor several times that he was more than willing and ready to surrender to their shared lust for eachother, but everytime they got into it Lawrence something would happen or Lawrence would stop abruptly.

It was almost as if Lawrence was afraid to get turned on by Adam, or embarrassed even. It sort of fascinated Adam, groping the older man and testing his boundaries until Lawrence would make some excuse and change the subject. How there was a hint of naivety and shyness in Lawrence's posture whenever that got intimate with eachother.

Lawrence was a puzzle.

What really got Adam going by month two of living here, though, was Lawrence's randomized working schedules. He knew Lawrence was a doctor and that it was normal for him to leave in the middle of the night, but there was something about it that made Adam feel uneasy. Adam knew Lawrence wasn't cheating, he wouldn't make the same mistake twice, but there was an entirely fundamental reason Lawrence was always gone all of a sudden. He was avoiding sex with Adam.

But Adam tried not to let it go to his head. He hoped it wasn't something he was doing that made Lawrence want to stay away from him. That would undoubtedly break Adam's heart. Suddenly, Lawrence's sweet words and promises lost their meaning because Lawrence had become a contradiction of them.

"Do you hate me?" Adam asked one day before Lawrence had left for work. It was in the middle of the night and Adam had stayed up, waiting for this moment to confront the blonde man. "Are you sick of me or something?"

The pleading look in his eyes could break a thousand hearts and then some, because it's what Adam was feeling at that very moment. Heart break. Lawrence had stopped fussing with his tie and hung his head, back turned to Adam the whole time. Lawrence was always afraid of confrontation and when Adam had finally been fed up enough, he drew a line in the sand.

"No," Lawrence reassured with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Of course I don't hate you, Adam."

"Then turn around and say it to me, Lawrence. Look into my eyes and tell me," Adam pleaded on the verge of tears.

Lawrence turned to face Adam and walked towards the bed where Adam sat alone, blankets pooled around his slim waist. He sat down and cupped the young man's face in his big strong hands, holding his head in place so he could keep Adam's gaze. Lawrence wiped away a single tear as it escaped the corner of his eye and rolled down his cheek, swiping it away with the pad of his thumb.

"Adam, I love you. I could never get sick of you."

"Then why aren't you ever home? Why don't you touch me? Or make love to me? Am I doing something wrong?" Adam asked with sad frustration.

"You're not doing anything wrong. I promise."

And that's all that was ever said about the subject. But Adam knew that if Lawrence wasn't going to step up and be a man, that Adam would take on the role that Lawrence had portrayed so many times before. Lawrence helped him overcome his problems, now Adam would help the doctor overcome his.

******************

»Present«

Lawrence got home pretty late in hopes of taking a shower and going straight to bed while an oblivious Adam curled up next to him. Today was too exhausting and the patients were exceptionally rotten along with most of the nurses and Lawrence hadn't been in the mood to squabble over the little things.

After a search in the dark for his keys he pulled them out to unlock the front door, jiggling as he did so. He twisted the key counter-clockwise and heard the distinct sound of tumblers falling into place as the house was unlocked for his access. The house was completely dark. He stepped forward into the pitch black den of his home and flipped the switch next to the door, quickly scanning the room for any hazards.

Old habits died hard.

But he didn't find an intruder. What he found was a trail of of photos that started just a few feet in front of him and ended in an undisclosed location. Lawrence bent down to pick the first one up. He couldn't tell who it was but it was definately a part of someone's body. His curiosity got the better of him and he walked up to get the next picture, eying it greedily.

This picture depicted an eye and it was hard to tell the color because it was in black and white, but there was an unmistakeable familiarity about it. The next one was of a man's torso, virtually hairless and lean, bones slightly protruding from the smooth skin. Lawrence absentmindedly licked his lips and continued on, getting more excited by the trail of breadcrumbs set out specially for his eyes only.

Next one was a set of lips slightly parted and forming the beginnings of a smirk with white teeth barely visible. There was enough of the picture to give away the hint of a very familiar jawline and Lawrence smirked to himself. So far he loved this little treasure trail that Adam had set out for him for when he came home.

Each picture showed more and more bare skin and various body parts that Lawrence was more than eager to gaze upon. By the time he reached the last picture Lawrence had realized he was at his bedroom's door with a fine collection of erotic snapshots of Adam. Lawrence thought about knocking but that was just altogether pointless. Adam knew he was home and Lawrence was sure he wouldn't have fallen asleep if he took the time to set something like this up.

Adam must've been working on this all day just to get Lawrence's attention and curiosity hooked and Lawrence would be lying if he said he didn't absolutely love the idea. It was far better than a hastily written note of a scrap of binder paper or a trail of rose petals that would later be a pain in the ass to pick up after Adam had successfully seduced him.

The pictures were brilliant. It was something Lawrence HAD to pick up in order to see what it depicted, which helped with the maintenance part, and it spiked Lawrence's curiosity, leaving the doctor wanting to see more. The pictures were like promises and Lawrence would be damned if he walked away now after all he's just seen of Adam.

With the pictures in one hand and the other reaching out to the doorknob, Lawrence began to shake with terrified excitement. His nerves got the better of him and plunged off the deep end, twisting the knob and letting the door swing open with a resounding creak. The lights in the room were dim but Lawrence could see everything Adam had to offer.

The young man was sprawled out on the bed, lying on his back with nothing but a picture to cover him up. Lawrence's mouth went dry and he tried to swallow but his throat was too thick and Adam was biting his bottom lip which didn't help Lawrence's current situation at all. His heart was pounding in his chest and his feet dragged him to the side of the bed.

Lawrence gripped the blankets and they twisted in his fists as he gazed upon Adam's pale, bare body. Adam wasn't as skinny as he had been when he first moved in but he was sexy as ever in this intimate moment. His eyes drifted down to the picture that covered Adam's groin and to his realization it was face down. The only way to see what it depicted would be to picture it up. Lawrence had a choice to make.

He could brush Adam's attempt off and crudely decline his advance or he could sate his curiosity and finally take a leap of faith. There was a time when you just had to man up and face your insecurities. Screw it, Lawrence thought. If Adam was throwing himself at Lawrence then Lawrence would take that as invitation enough to pick the picture up.

Lawrence bent over and retrieved the picture, fingers brushing Adam's thigh as he did so but Lawrence never saw the image on the photo because it slipped from his hands. Adam smirked and sat up when Lawrence took a seat next to him, his back against the headboard as Lawrence placed a sweaty palm on his knee. Adam could tell Lawrence was nervous it dawned on him.

Lawrence has never been with a guy before.

Adam's eyes got wide and his lips parted slightly as he came to this epiphany that Lawrence was a virgin when it came to guys. Lawrence saw this and he couldn't stop the blush that crept across his face. He hung his head in shy defeat but Adam cupped his face and raised it back up.

"Is that why you didn't want to before..?" Adam asked softly, smoothing a hand through Lawrence's hair.

"I didn't want to make a fool of myself," Lawrence admitted. "And I'm not particularly convinced that my body is everything you'd want it to be."

"Lawrence..."

"I know it wouldn't hurt to lose a little weight and--"

"Lawrence," Adam said a little more firmly. "Would I be naked in your bed right now if I didn't want you?"

Lawrence's jaw clenched and he shut himself up before he could say anything else that was completely stupid. Adam moved closer to him and let his hands go down to Lawrence's shoulders, slipping just a little more to rest them against the doctor's chest. Adam could feel Lawrence's heart pounding.

"You're so smart when it comes to fixing people, but completely clueless when feelings are involved," Adam chuckled weakly. "You don't seem to see what I see when I look at you..."

Adam grabbed a hold of Lawrence's tie and tugged at the knot to loosen it which in turn made Lawrence lean forward into Adam's space so that they were nose to nose. They stared eachother in the eyes for a long moment until Adam's drifted downward so that he could fund the first button to Lawrence's shirt.

"You're perfect in my eyes," Adam whispered, heart aching with the words being spoken out loud for the first time.

The button slipped out of it's adjacent slit and Adam looked back at Lawrence's bright eyes, letting his hands seek out the rest of the buttons. Lawrence leaned forward and captured Adam's lips in a soft chaste kiss that spoke for the blonde man. He could feel his shirt being tugged and opened little by little as Adam deepened the kiss to something more passionate and fiery.

Their tongues were involved in all the action this time and, after a particularly delicious moan from Adam, Lawrence's shirt was being pushed off of his shoulders to fall back on the mattress. Lawrence felt Adam's nimble hands go to work on his belt and pants, clips popping and zippers falling open. They broke away and Lawrence stood up.

Adam sat on the edge of the bed with his line of sight level with Lawrence's crotch and he smirked as he tugged the doctor's freshly pressed slacks down his legs, unwrapping him like a christmas present. He helped Lawrence step out of them and when they were discarded, his boxers were next on the list. Adam could already see the outline of Lawrence and it made him feel giddy with nerves.

Lawrence's boxers were soon forgotten and Adam made an audible gasp, mouth forming in an "O" as he smiled like a goon. On impulse, he bent forward and before Lawrence could register anything that was going on, Adam had Lawrence in his mouth. Lawrence took in a sharp breath and snapped his head down to see Adam moving his mouth up and down his half hard length.

Instinctively, Lawrence's hands went to Adam's shoulders to push him away, but his hands ended up tangling in Adam's hair instead, pulling him closer to take all of his cock. Adam made a sound and put his hands on Lawrence's bare hips to get better leverage. He opened up his throat and began to set a rhythm that had the doctor moaning and getting harder with each downstroke.

Adam was doing something with his tongue that Lawrence had never felt before and he was already so painfully hard inside Adam hot, wet suction. The young man was thoroughly enjoying himself as he moaned around his mouthful, more than enthusiastic to get Lawrence off. But as Lawrence was starting to reach his threshold Adam gripped the base of his cock and pulled off to stroke him instead.

Lawrence made a frustrated little noise.

"Tease," Lawrence breathed.

"You're gonna be eating your words," Adam whispered into Lawrence's ear when he stood up from the bed.

"Why's that?" Lawrence asked with a small shiver of anticipation.

"Because I want you to make love to me," Adam whined with an over exaggerated moan, wrapping his arms around Lawrence to mold their bodies together. "I want you to take me in this bed right now."

Adam laid down on the bed and Lawrence joined him. Adam grabbed something from the night stand and handed it to Lawrence who gazed upon it dumbfoundedly. It was lube that would help Adam open up better and make it less painful for intercourse. Lawrence looked down at Adam and his heart began to pound again.

"I don't want to hurt you, Adam."

"That's what the lube is for, silly," Adam giggled nervously. "Besides, you're the doctor. I'm sure you've given a prostate exam before."

"That's not the same--" Lawrence began to say.

"Look, you know more about the human body than I do. I trust you not to break anything."

Lawrence sighed and opened up the tube, squirting some onto his fingers. After they were coated with a good amount Lawrence set it down on the night stand and looked Adam in the eyes as he reached forward with shaky hands. His nerves building up and Adam was spreading his legs apart just for him.

But once he got to Adam's entrance, he stopped. Lawrence suddenly forgot everything he ever learned in college, drawing blanks on what he was supposed to do next. Adam bit his lip impatiently and wondered why Lawrence had stopped. Adam reached a hand down between his legs and grasped Lawrence's wrist, helping the blonde man guide two fingers inside of himself.

Adam moaned loudly and Lawrence's heart stopped for a split second before Adam's hand left to let the doctor prepare him on his own. He knew Lawrence could do this. Lawrence kept his fingers still inside of Adam's passage, wiggling them experimentally to gauge Adam's reaction. The young man only moaned so it was safe to say that Adam wasn't in any pain.

Lawrence drew his fingers out and pushed them back in slowly, starting a slow rhythm to get Adam comfortable. Adam was making some of the sexiest sounds Lawrence had ever heard and neither of them hardly noticed it when Lawrence thrusted his fingers faster. Lawrence pulled them out and pushed in a third when Adam was more open and he'd be lying if he didn't say Adam wasn't even tighter around his fingers now.

"Fuck!" Adam howled out when Lawrence pushed all three in. At first Lawrence thought he hurt Adam, but Adam was begging for more. "Do that again!"

It occurred to Lawrence that with all his fumblings and forgotten facts, that he had inexplicably found Adam's prostate and started to remember and gain confidence. He curled his fingers in such a way that they were pressed firmly against that little bundle of nerves inside Adam, causing him to thrash and twist in the bedding. Adam was throwing a fit over how much it was turning him on.

Adam was beyond hard and he was feeling things he never felt before. He had been with a few men before but none of them knew what to do and when to do it like Lawrence did. Lawrence was thrusting his fingers into Adam's prostate gently, putting the young man on edge. There were a few times Adam thought he'd come just from this alone, but he didn't want it to end for him like this.

Seeming to read his mind, Lawrence withdrew his fingers and absentmindedly wiped them in the crumpled blankets. Adam was flushed pink and staring at Lawrence through half lidded lust filled eyes, lashes batting over his hot cheeks. He watched Lawrence grab the lube again and pop the cap open, but this time his coated his cock liberally with it.

When Lawrence was done stroking the slick substance over his cock he looked at Adam again and Adam nodded once, because it was all he could manage.

"Don't worry, Lawrence. Same rules still apply, right?" Adam said nervously.

It was far from being the same as sex with a woman, but Lawrence knew he wouldn't hurt Adam on purpose. He knew what he was doing. Lawrence put a hand on Adam's stomach and gripped the base of his own cock with the other, lining himself up at Adam's opening. Adam was taking shallow breaths because in all honesty, it had been awhile since he last had sex.

Lawrence pressed forward and entered Adam slowly, making sure that he was careful as he stretched Adam even more. Adam gasped and braced his hands against Lawrence's chest, shaking like a wet cat as he was breached and pushed to his limits. Lawrence was now fully seated inside of Adam slick channel and he stayed like that before he continued.

"You okay?" Lawrence panted above him.

"Yeah," Adam said out if breath. "Ah fuck. I've never felt anything like this Lawrence. Please move. Please."

Lawrence could do nothing but oblige. He pulled all the way out until just the head was inside of Adam and pushed back in, testing Adam for a few strokes before starting a bearable rhythm. Lawrence worked his cock inside of Adam until the young man was moaning obscenities, clawing at Lawrence's chest.

Adam had his legs wrapped tightly around Lawrence's waist, riding out each sensation that was thrust against his prostate. Lawrence bent down and mashed his lips with Adam's to bruise them in a helplessly and desperately hot kiss. Adam was panting and gasping for air by the time Lawrence was through with him, but he wanted more.

Lawrence was thrusting so hard now that the headboard was beating the wall behind it into a pulp, but neither man could care at this particular juncture. Adam was being pounded into the mattress and he knew he was getting close already. Lawrence was out of breath but trying his best to keep up the pace.

The doctor grabbed a hold of Adam's hips and pounded away, squeezing the pale skin tightly enough to bruise. But despite his best efforts, Lawrence getting too tired too fast. Adam saw this and, out of nowhere, pushed Lawrence back causing the blonde man to slip out of him.

Adam quickly straddled the doctor's lap and impaled himself on Lawrence's cock in one go. He he started to grind and ride harshly onto Lawrence, trying to work them both over the edge as fast as he could. Adam waiting too long for this moment and he wanted Lawrence make him come now. He wanted Lawrence to come inside him.

Lawrence watched Adam from where he laid on the mattress and let Adam ride him to the moon and back. Adam was hunched over with his hands gripping Lawrence's chest to steady himself, shaking because he could feel his impending orgasm building up in him. His stomach twisted and his toes tingled and when Lawrence grabbed a hold of his neglected sex he lost it.

A few strokes of Lawrence's hand and he was coming all over himself and Lawrence. His muscles clenched around Lawrence's cock and he became impossibly tight. Adam couldn't stop himself from falling forward onto Lawrence. Lawrence flipped them over, having regained some stamina, and put Adam's heavy legs onto his shoulders.

Lawrence was a blur and Adam could do nothing but moan as he was bent in half and taken by the older man. Everything stopped and in two short thrusts, Lawrence was coming inside of Adam. A man. A man that he had fell in love with in the most unorthodox of times. But he wasn't complaining, because he knew Adam loved only him. Now matter how imperfect he saw himself.

And later when Lawrence and Adam were lying down for sleep, Adam curled up next to him and told the blonde man that he loved him. Lawrence returned that love in abundance, holding onto Adam as if his life depended on it. They were both safe in eachother's arms now and they knew that it could only go uphill from here. And if it didn't, they'd manage. After all, neither Lawrence nor Adam, were perfect.

They were only human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope everyone's enjoyed Closet Door. It was very interesting to write and even though I feel like it could've been a little better than the finished product, it will and always shall be my baby. Here's to future Adam/Lawrence fics!


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